You know those scenes in romantic comedies where a character is at a bar and his buddies are trying to get him to go talk to a beautiful woman? And for some reason, the guy is usually taking deep breaths and slamming down shots like a Civil War soldier about to get his leg amputated?
Those scenes are part of the reason why guys tend to have such a hard time flirting with women: they treat flirting like it’s the Hunger Games and they’ll be fed to the wolves if they aren’t successful.
When you hear the word “flirt”, what do you think? If you look it up on everybody’s favorite online encyclopedia, you get this: “ Flirting is a form of human interaction between two people, expressing a romantic and/or sexual interest. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact .”
Naturally, you may be reluctant to “express a romantic and/or sexual interest” in a woman just like that: what if you come off as weird, she gets annoyed, defensive, what if she flat-out rejects you? That would make flirting a quite unpleasant experience.
On the other hand, if you really understand how to do it, you can make any flirt what it’s meant to be: a light, fun interaction with a breezy sexual vibe and sweet validation.
When I hear the word blendr “flirt”, I think of witty, smiley banter, laughing, good feelings, slight sexual tension, and most importantly: no particular outcome. It may be a fun prelude to casual sex, a steady relationship or simply nothing at all – none of these things make or break a good flirt. The only two ingredients it needs are “good” and “flirt”. It is what it is and if you’re doing it right, it shouldn’t be stressful.
Words Alone Won’t Help You
It’s been said that 93% of communication is non-verba l – that is, body language, tone, and facial expressions. [R] This isn’t entirely true; try speaking to a woman for 7 seconds, then spending the next 93 posing and wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. Odds are, you’ll have to explain yourself to the police.
While that statistic is a bit distorted, there is some truth to it. Saying the right words will only get you so far; more often than not, what you say is less important than how you say it.
Body language isn’t just how you non-verbally express your interest in a woman – it’s also how women express their interest in you. Surprisingly, 90% of the time, women are the ones initiating a romantic encounter, and they do it through body language. [R] In our article on how to tell a girl you like her, we illustrate an example where a lack of understanding of body language can lead to disaster.
When flirting with a woman, you need to send non-verbal signals that you’re sexually attracted to her; in fact, those are the only signals you should be sending at first. (In other words, do not walk up to a woman and say “I desire a sexual encounter with you, milady.”)
Making Eye Contact
Eye contact is an easy way to express that you’re interested in her; not only that, it’s an easy way for you to gauge whether she likes you. If she’s not making eye contact, odds are she’s not comfortable or relaxed. [R]
Importance of Smiling
Smiling can be disarming and help take some of the awkwardness out of the initial encounter. Just be sure not to smile too much or too frequently; at best, she’ll think you’re a simpleton, and at worst, she might think you’re a creep.